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This one is for the 6th
Year Senior, though I think everyone who reads this will smile on
the inside. That is, the child inside will grin that mischievous
little grin.
First of all, I thoroughly
enjoyed the latest installment of Ramblings (Ramblings
11 - Childrens). I was very amused by the 7 year old accusing
you of having children (not just a kid, but a mess of them). The
Church lady asking if you were awaiting your kid equally amused
me. Trying to envision Matt’s kid, I have visions of a small boy
by a van full of watermelons. Anyway. Matt, having a kid right
now would be scandalous. But not as scandalous as this…
This past summer I began
to attend a rather small church. Not one of those single room
churches with the pews and floors that creak each time you take a
breath, but relatively small when compared to the giant basilicas
that tower in the downtowns and suburbs across the Bible belt.
We’ll just say that I shake the pastor’s hand on Sunday morning
and the people in the congregation know my name (though the church
elders often forget).
Anyway, over the summer I
attended this church regularly with my sister. After a few weeks,
the grandfather of my good friend Dustin turns around during the
fellowship offering and asks how long the female and I been
married. The two of us, turning various shades of red, informed
him that we were indeed siblings and not married.
My girlfriend, the hot and
foxy Jillian, was working at the Montreat Presbyterian Camp in
North Carolina when this occurred. My sister and I continued to
attend this church for several weeks while Jillian continued to
work at Montreat.
Upon returning from
Montreat, my sister then went to South Carolina to visit our
parents for a few weeks. So, Jillian and I began to attend the
church together. I have been attending this church for several
weeks so people were really learning my name. And they seemed
equally eager to learn Jillian’s.
It wasn’t until my sister
returned that the scandal unraveled.
None of us wear any
jewelry even slightly resembling wedding rings and neither my
sister nor Jillian wear a red dress to church, so I’ll never
understand this. But I had to laugh when one of the Church ladies
had an epiphany and came to me with her new revelation. Imagine my
face when I heard her say this, “I get it now. This is your sister
and this is your girlfriend. See, I thought this (pointing to my
sister) was your wife and this (pointing to my girlfriend) was
your girlfriend.”
Apparently, people thought
that I brought both my wife and my mistress to church.
The way any good Christian
pimp would do it.
Another Artie’cle to come
soon,
-Artie |
