Archives - July 2004

July 2, 2004 - On the Road Again

Well party peoples, I'm off to Cherokee NC for the Fourth Of July weekend. I haven't been in a couple of years, so I'm looking forward to seeing some old friends and catching up...not to mention fireworks!! So its a three day weekend for me!! w00t!! And because of the holiday weekend and apparent lack of updates, I'll give you an extra helping of links today. Rock, rock on!!

Be sure to check out the new Strong Bad short. "Get a leg up on the pile and refinance your dreams!"

The grim reality of running away from stuff...just in case.

Go speed racer, go speed racer gooooooooo!

Have a fun time trying to land this plane. Hint: Fly around in circles.

Awwww....look at the cute little puppy.

Please give this guy a hand!!!

Talk about going a long way to cover up a little accident.

See if you can dodge this.

Watch Soundwave bust a move in this Transformers video.

July 6, 2004 - Home Again, Home Again

I hope that everyone had a wonderful Fourth of July. As for me, I had a rocking good time up in Cherokee, NC. It was awesome to see all of my old friends and even make some new ones. Why I even practiced foreign relations and made friends with some Yanks. A special thanks goes out to MTW/Goose Creek Campground for putting me up for the weekend, the Reeds for throwing an awesome fireworks show with lots of food, and to the 6th Year Senior for providing the transportation. I'm also proud to say that I came back with all my fingers/toes and both eyes. And for those of you who have always wondered if a bag of fireworks really explode like the do on the movies when the bag catches fire...yes...yes it does.

The Artie'cles section has been updated.

Classic county fair action...try to shoot all the ducks.

Riced out cars from the UK.

I wish that I could say that I've never played this game like this...ok, not really.

Kinda like Bionic Commando...but with a chick.

Incoming!!!!!

Happy Birthday The Cheat!! Its Strong Bad Email #107.

Red vs. Blue posted "PSA July 4th --4th of July Safety Tips". You can download the episode from their main page.

July 7, 2004 - All Quiet on the Home front

Nothing too major has been going on lately. In laymen's terms, I don't have anything much to rant about...other than the fact that I can't find the lyrics to a song that I heard on the radio the other day. Yes, the internet has finally failed me. Its a sad day in history.

Be sure to check out the third installment of Ramblings of a 6th Year Senior.

Check out these Classic 80's Children's Book Reviews.

How about playing Yeti Sports 5?

And in other news, Senator Palpatine was also granted Emergency Powers. Long live the Emperor.

What happens when you cross Mini Golf with Bombs? This little game.

The sad thing is that neither one uttered the words, "Here, hold my beer." Ah yes, thinning out the herd. Obviously they have never seen MacGyver 'cause in one episode he did the same thing...only he used a hacksaw to cut the tops of the shells off.

July 8, 2004 - Notes on the Weekend Trip - Part 1

First of all, if you haven't read the latest 6th Year Senior rambling, I suggest that you do now. Otherwise, you'll probably find this as funny as Dennis Miller when he co-hosted ABC Monday Night Football. The Captin' and I were talking yesterday about just how close we came to the "Deliverance Experience." And that ain't no Disney ride either. First of all, the big, burly redneck wanted us to check out his "watermelon stock" in the back of his late 70's/early 80's washed up disco van. We didn't hear it, but I'm sure he was mumbling "purddy mouth" the entire time. Secondly, we never saw that kid eat any of those peanuts that he was offering us...nadda one. And let me tell you, he was a persistent little fella. Thankfully, we managed to clear out with three watermelons and lots of laughs...and not squealing like a pig. In conclusion, to quote Lawrence from Office Space, "Watch out for your cornhole, bud."

Watch the Titanic performed in 30 seconds...by bunnies.

You're Fired!!!

How far can you make it in this little game?

Does this mess with your head or what?

Space Invaders type action game.

I'm sure that there is a lesson to be learned from this.

July 9, 2004 - Notes on the Weekend Trip - Part 2

Well, a couple of things happened the weekend that wasn't included in the Senior's ramblings. The first one being: The Watermelon. Secondly, I'm writing a letter to the good engineers and sales people at Pontiac. I'm sure that they didn't know that the 2000 Grand Prix was capable of 4x4 action. We "stumbled" on to this hidden feature after some good eatin' at Chic-Fil-A. I say good cause sometimes a hardy meal will interfere with your thought processes and motor skillz. In this case, our famous Captain put the car into drive, not reverse, and drove over one of those yellow cement barricades. But instead of hitting the brake, Matt went for the gold, and drove over another one right in front of it. Looking back...Matt totally destroyed the second one. A few things to note here: 1) Those barriers were parallel to each other before Matt got a hold of them and 2) They were the only ones in the parking lot.

But don't worry buddy...it could have been worse.

Dirty hippies...I would like to see that thing try some off roading...in the mountains...down a cliff.

Not quite a game...but really fly for a white guy.

Note to self, this does not work. I know that MacGyver could pull it off.

The article calls this a defrag process for your Hard Drive, but any A+ Certifited tech would know that's a format. But then again he's got the gold pimp ring (page 6) and I don't.

Do you think you have what it takes to hit a 90 MPH fastball?

July 12, 2004 - A Note From a Reader Who Was There

I got this email from my good buddy John over the weekend. John's family put on the fireworks show in Cherokee and he was the resident expert (being a firefighter). The event that he is referring to is when we dumped a load of fireworks into a fire:

Alas, you may have come out of it with all eyes and phalanges but as for myself, I have two first degree burns from the hidden bottle rocket that decided to fly after we assumed the perimeter to be safe. All is good because the amount of burn area is < 1%. The actual size = the exact size of a coke can tab (I know because I checked).

John my man, you are in my thoughts and prayers and I wish you a speedy recovery.

Decemberween is here!!!

I'm going to repost this because the site that was hosting it changed the link. Lets give this guy another round of applause.

Nothing like getting a little head start in life.

Good luck with this little game.

This is just crazy...I mean, what are the odds?

Lower your pants a little and give a try at being a plumber.

July 13, 2004 - So We Meet Again

I encountered Arch Nemesis #6 on my drive home Friday. This chick (yes, that's right) pulls up to me at a red light in a newer model Cavalier. Her car is red so you know its got to be fast. I look over and she gives me the 'racing' nod. So I say to myself, "Self, this ought to be good." Needless to say, I was not disappointed. The light turned green and she took off...or at least tried to. Lets just say that the sound that came out of her car was a cross between a constipated elephant and a chinese man performing a death move in a cheap kung fu movie.

Its Fan Mail time! Check out the fourth installment of Ramblings of a 6th Year Senior.

Red vs. Blue posted "Episode 38 - K.I.T. B.F.F. (Keep in Touch Best Friends Forever)". You can download the episode from their main page. Please note that this is the last episode of Season 2.

Eh....steve? TMBG Video.

Set your eyes to cross with this little game.

A special thanks to Jillian for pointing this out to me. Glad to finally get some conformation...especially from the "other side." Now if you could just point me in the direction of the woman's user manual...that would be great.

Check out this game called Frogit2. Frog it...just frog it.

I didn't think the Empire had women in mind when they designed them. She looks a little mangry don't you think? Oh yeah, I thought that the shoes were a nice touch.

July 14, 2004 - Moving on up...

...to the southwest side of Tallahassee. That's right boys and girls, I've got me some new digs. As the good Senior stated yesterday, I've moved in with none other than the author of Artie'cles into what we lovingly call the "Man Pad." A special thanks goes out to Matt, Artie and Jillian for helping me move all my swag. As soon as I get settled in, I'll update my Apartment section...and let the good times roll.

Check out this 3D Dictionary...thingy...the future is here.

Understatement: "In retrospect, this was a bad idea."

Kinda like that Bejeweled game...only with a purpose.

Personally, I would have named him target practice or dinner...stupid tree rats.

Really sweet demolition derby game.

Check out this Fat Ho...probably was picked on a lot as a kid. Actually, you can see it in his face.

July 15, 2004 - Power Outage

Tallahassee had a massive power outage late Tuesday afternoon. Apparently a "computer related error" at the city’s Purdom Power plant that brought down the city’s main generators and resulted in half of the city’s 97,000 customers losing power. The City released a bulletin...online...to let people know about Red Cross stations and emergency shelters from the heat:

"In addition, one emergency shelter is now open at the Church of the Nazarene, 1983 Mahan Drive. This site is for individuals who are not able to tolerate the current temperatures in their homes. Cots, drinks, food and basic health assistance are available. No pets, firearms or alcohol are allowed at the emergency shelter."

Obviously the author of those directions is not from the South. Standard operating procedures clearly state that during an emergency, grab your gun(s), dog(s), and favorite tasty beverage(s), and head for the nearest shelter. Women and children can fend for themselves. Did you get that memo?

So in honor of today's rants:

Students now forced to wear potato sacks and barrels to school.

Alcohol and Ammo game...a true classic.

Sniff...sniff...I'm so happy!!!

"She said the methane didn't "take too kindly" to the lit cigarette."

Shop 101: How to make a Kegerator.

Redneck shoot-out game.

Finally, take this quiz to see if you are ready to venture into the woods.

July 16, 2004 - WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!

H'Ok, so I drive into work this morning bright and early this morning. Its Friday so I'm planning to take it easy and slow roll it. I stroll up to the coffee machine, hit the extra strong button, and make it a double. I then walk down the hall, ease into my chair, and get ready to check my email. I didn't even get a chance to give my PC the three finger salute to unlock it. My buddy comes in and says, "Don't get comfortable. Our database and web server is down." Needless to say that the entire office heard my screams of anguish. And to top it all off, the server is stuck in a reboot loop. It acts like its going to be fine and it just reboots...its taunting me. So I have a feeling that I'm going to run into my old friend, Arch Nemesis #3 today. And it's all because I'm planning on going to the beach today.

So, another themed set of links, people with horrible luck:

Man, what a crappy way to go.

I love how the ad on this article is for a car.

Forget your two cents, we need all five.

Sometimes you just have to build a better mouse trap.

Sorry for the lack of other fun stuff but that server keeps taunting me. Later boys and girls.

July 19, 2004 - I'll Have My Revenge One Day

Well, I called that one. I had the honor, no, privilege of encountering Arch Nemesis #3 twice on Friday. The first time I knew exactly what the problem was and how to fix it, I just couldn't remember the little keystroke that would give me access to do it (I can, however, remember the location of every heart container in Legend of Zelda for the NES). So I called...and waited...and finally got a guy who had a name that I can't even being to spell. Before the guy could even get the words, "Thank you for calling..." out of his mouth. I was like, "Here is where I'm at, I know how to fix the problem, but what's the simple keystroke to do this?" At that moment in time, he should have realized that I knew what I was doing and said, "ALT+Z" followed by, "And have a good day sir." Oh no...I had to give the guy my life story. And then there was Dipiti (like Deep-tee or Dip-stick). Instead of transferring me to a level 2 tech, she went for the gold with the words, "Hmmmm...lets try this." That cost me dearly.

On the other hand, Robot are our Friends.

Bald man in wheelchair is looking for this kid.

Solitaire...on speed!! Now you can turn your PC, internet connection, and watch into the most expensive deck of cards ever.

That's one tough sucker.

Government signs that you should know!

This is one purddy game.

July 20, 2004 - Seems to be a trend here

Within a span of a week, I've had two major encounters with Arch Nemeses #3 and #6. And of course I run into #4 and #5 to a lesser degree everyday. Why as a matter of fact, I ran into ol' #5 on the radio the other day, which was none too pleasant. Nothing like the radio to invoke the imagination (shudders). Anyways, so that leaves my two greatest Arch Nemeses, #1 and #2 (hence, the one and two), lurking somewhere in the distance. Being a man of science and math, I've been trying to figure out which one is next. On one hand, I've had a real hankering for some classic NES lately. Could that be the dreaded #2 luring me into a trap? Or is it another sad attempt to relive my childhood? On the other hand, that thing I call a life seems to be the black hole of emotional baggage for the universe. But, things seem to be improving in that area with this latest scientific find. Hmmmm...only time will tell.

/throw baby...its Peasant's Quest!!

In the name of science...Strong Bad email #108.

Strap on your fat suit and get ready for some poolside sumo wrasslin.

Go ahead, you know you want to laugh at rice.

Here is a very interesting article about being a ghost on the internet when you keel over.

Instructions on how to check your baby's diaper.

Good luck with this game.

When transporting 17 lbs of coke, here's what not to do.

July 21, 2004 - In the Line of Fire

For once in my life...I don't have anything to rant about. Nothing at all. I've thought and I've schemed and thought some more. So I figure that I would stir some things up. I would like to introduce someone who is just an Average Joe but with an IQ like Einstein. No, he doesn't play dodge ball or work on relativity. Instead he's quietly starting a revolution. Here are two pics (one and two) of his work in progress. What do you think? There are two ways to let me know: 1) Click on the Email link in the top right corner. 2) If you have AIM (not the Express version) fired up, click on the AIM link to send me an IM. If I'm on, I'll get it. I'll post the responses and let me know if you wish to remain anonymous.

Yes, I realize that this game is in French, but just click the Jouer button and have a little fun.

You know that this has to look good on a resume.

Mullets 101 - The Scientific Approach. Scroll up for the explanation.

Man becomes first ever Human ATM.

Here is a nifty two player game...fire in the hole.

Welcome to Mr.Bling! You're source for all your big blinging needs. Make sure you check out the starter kit instructions.

July 22, 2004 - Important Stuff...Very Important

Important: Please click on the Coming Soon under the Features Section or click here!

So Artie and I were talking this morning about the 9/11 Report that's coming out today. The report is going to suggest that the President create a cabinet position for Intelligence. We both agreed that we should reach back into our roots for the only solution we know for countering terrorism: G.I. Joe. Just check out their mission statement, "To defend human freedom against Cobra, a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world.". And while they are at it, might as well create some Transformers. We know we have the technology, just look at the shows from the 1980's. And what about the budget and cost of all this? Put MacGyver in charge. The man saved the world countless times with what ever he had in his pocket or laying on the ground. Just image what he could do with a couple million dollars. The possibilities are endless.

Be sure to check out the fifth installment of Ramblings of a 6th Year Senior.

A How-to article dealing with the important subject: "What should I do if my TV dies?"

Seriously, what are the odds of this happening?

Perform some mad trickz on a trampoline in this game.

I wonder when though this police officer's mind?

Try and keep the UFO from crashing.

Check out this guy's car story. Warning: This page is picture intensive!

July 23, 2004 - Roll Out

It's 410 miles to Cherokee, we've got a full tank of gas, a half a pack of candy cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses. Hit it. Ah yes, headed out again. The good Senior and I are going back to Cherokee this weekend with a brief layover in Athens. Matt convinced me that he needed some material for his Ramblings so a little field work was in order. Ok, not really, but it sounded cool anyways.

In other news, I've had some submissions for the Name that Column Contest. Good jorb and keep up the good work. However, I still don't have any takers for actually writing the column. Come on ladies! Don't disappoint me!!!

"There are professional thieves, but this guy was not only not a professional, he wasn't even an apprentice - he was a total loser."

Someone has way too much time on their hands.

Try do a little ski jump game.

I expect Martha Steward to do a segment on this...from the C block.

Have fun with the bubbles.

Sometimes you can't win for losing.

July 26, 2004 - I'm Back

Whew, after an extremely long weekend (850 miles later) I finally made it home yesterday. All-in-all, I made it from Cherokee, NC to Tallahassee, FL in 6.5 hours. Not too shabby if you ask me. Overall it was an excellent and quite possibly my last big road trip of the summer. It was really nice to party with the Sixth Year Senior and see my friends in Cherokee again. I'm sure you'll hear more from the Senior and me in the not so distant near future. I've got some pics from our adventures that I'll be posting soon. Speaking of, stay tuned for pics of the new apartment as well.

BTW - Since its Monday and I've had a long weekend, I'm going to let the ladies off today with a shaking of the fist. But tomorrow, expect a full verbal lashing.

What to do when you are stranded with an egg, copper coins, tin foil, and a PC. MayGyver would be very proud of you.

Hungry hungry hippos game.

I don't think he'll have to worry about "his fertility and future sexual relationships" where he's going.

Help Siegfried save Roy.

Please follow this example on how not to clean up gas.

How can you tell that you probably have too much time your hands? When I see you building something like this.

July 28, 2004 - You're traveling through another dimension...

...a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. Sorry for the lack of update yesterday boys and girls. I spent all of that day in the Twilight Zone. It was extremely evident when I got home and had this conversation with Artie:

Artie: "So how was your day at work?"

Me: "It was a typical Monday...all the way."

Artie: "Ummm...today is Tuesday."

Me: (long period of silence) "What?"

Artie: "Yeah, its Tuesday"

Me: (running back to my room to check my calendar) "Well crap." (insert epiphany here) "I need a nap."

So today I'm well rested, woke up to some James Brown, and ready to be a lean (well, sorta lean), mean, SQL database programming machine.

Get ready to play some Crazy Golf.

I though that this was kinda cool: its a bar code clock.

No, you can't use the Olympic Torch for that.

US Dept of Education site where you can look up criminal stats for your college campus.

Step 1: Light fuse. Step 2: Throw. I can't stress step 2 enough young people.

On your mark, get ready, set, GO!! Its soap box racing.

July 29, 2004 - Down to Business

H'ok. I've been saying that I was going to do this for a few postings now. I still haven't had any takers for Women's Guest Column. I just wanted to let you know that I'm seriously disappointed. Y'all have let me down. I mean, here is your opportunity to be heard. How many times have you had a guy ask you for your opinion on anything? For once in your life you can have the satisfaction that everyone be listening. You know that your great-grand mothers are probably spinning in their graves because they fought hard for your right to vote and be heard and you are passing it up. Shame on you.

Driving mad golf game.

Wow, check out this cool gun.

That'll do, pig...that'll do.

Whatever you do...don't let go.

Super...men...and a dog?

No comment on this news story.

July 30, 2004 - Yee Haw

Today boys and girls is Friday. That means that after today, no more work for two days. That equates to not getting up early and sleeping in, which is always a plus...especially after the week I've had.

I can make it on my own - Strong Bad Email #109

Redneck poster child...nuff said. I weep for the future.

Time Trolley Trial game.

Hmmmm....I'm starting to see a pattern here.

I would have paid good money to have seen this.

Rules of a gun fight. Just because you never know.

Alien Hominid...a rockin shooting type game.