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So
I hope everyone had a fun and safe Fourth. I had a blast and came
back with some quality stories. For those not in the loop myself
and Webmaster J took a little road trip up to the beautiful
Cherokee, NC. On the way there we rocked out in Athens, and met
the living breathing Joe Dirt. Life in the south is most
excellent. I’d like to also throw out love to everyone in
Cherokee and my lovely downstairs neighbors in Athens (Kim I swear
I was just messing with you about dating your sister). Ok so on to
an all new adventure with the Captain.
As
I mentioned before yours truly and Webmaster J went up to Cherokee
for the weekend, well on the way up we get this bright idea to buy
a couple of watermelons. It is the 4th and we love some
watermelons (call it our upbringing).
So we’re cruising up 129 just south of Athens when we get
to a 4 way stop in two miles east of nowhere. We are talking the
sticks here, Deliverance type countryside. There is this little BP
over to one side that always sells boiled peanuts no matter what
time of year. Anyway there is this white serial killer van parked
over in this empty lot, and the guy is selling watermelons out of
it so we stop.
When
we step out of the car this little kid, who couldn’t be more
than 4 or 5, walks up to us holding out an already open peanut and
offers it to us. This little kid was classic; he had on blue jean
shorts, a dirty wife beater, bare foot, covered head to toe in
dirt. Little Man was country as a chicken coupe. So we declined
his offer considering he was holding another set of nuts with his
other hand. After we got done haggling over the price of the
watermelons I started loading them into the car when Little Man
walks up and tugs on my pants leg this conversation ensues:
“Hey
mister what your car smells like?” – LM
“Uhhh,
like a car Little Man.” – Me (note I’m a little weirder out)
“Hey
mister, can I smell your car?” – LM
“Sure
Little Man” – Me (at this pt he sticks his head in my door and
takes a big whiff)
“Ummm
Mister your car smells good. Mine just smells like watermelon.”
– LM
Now
I’ve experienced some backwoods adventures, but never, never,
never have I had a miniature Joe Dirt ask to smell my car. But no
story would be complete without Little Man walking over to the van
and opening up a new peanut and offering to me and Webmaster J.
Needless to say we declined his second offer. God Bless Little Man
he never had a chance.
Onto
a late breaking story, does out there want a cute, little orange
kitten? I swear I’ll give the good one, Orange
Cat. Well kiddies right now the Captain is feeling his age and
is about to hit the bed. But before I do I’d like to send some
special love to the Wonderful,
Talented, Beautiful, Smart,
occasionally Sexy, but always
Fun Bell Mary (for the record she asked for a really long
tagline, I believe someone thinks too much of herself). I know you
had a rough weekend, but you’re way too hot for him anyway. Also
because girls tend to get jealous and are the devil (yeah I said
it), I’ll leave you with a quote from the Lovely Heather, “I’ve
got my lipstick, purse, and fat friend”. I’ll leave the
translation up to you guys. Remember never fly solo because you
never know when you’ll need a wingman. And the grass may not be
greener on the other-other side.
You
crazy kids be safe,
Captain Matt
Email the
Captin'
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